jumbled up..

I never have any time to post... Between calling bankers and pretending to want a home loan... and giving massages to creepy men who want to know what my CRAZIEST massage stories are... the time runs short for posting.  Unlike Kyle, I have more important things to do.  That's why my version is the boring version... So for anyone reading Kyle's posts.. he decided to rename his site "Let's drive to America".  This week has been overrun with health problems and chaos.  On the last day of the year, I decided to give it to that gimmick called Nopalea so we'll see if that works.. if it ever gets here.  They said it would get here in 2-3 days.  It's been 4 and it hasn't even shipped!!  Anyway, a lady in Arkansas recommended the product to me... I've seen the commercial before but let's face it.. I thought it was a load of bs until this nice Arkansas women told me that she told God to cure her or take her and she saw this commercial so she thought it was God-ordained.  I'm pretty sure a multi-level marketing scheme isn't God-ordained, but hey, if it works I'll be happy.

So since I posted last, I spent my birthday in Kansas.. where we tried to find the Westboro Baptist Church... to our chagrin, these Baptists don't exactly take kindly to new comers.  We were greeted with upside down American and Gay Flags and signs that read God hates America.  The whole church building which was really the house of Fred Phelps and his family is surrounded by security cameras.  The next door neighbor told us that we were on camera and that they weren't going to let us in so after knocking a few times on the only door that wasn't guarded by an electric fence, we took a few pictures and seized the day elsewhere.

After driving through the flatlands of Kansas, visiting an abandoned missile silo that was the residence of William Pickard until the DEA got a hold of him and.. 90% of the world's LSD when Gordon Skinner decided to bail on his companions to avoid jail time back in 2000, we continued into Oklahoma, where we found.. nothing.

After that, we visited Arkansas.  Now I always thought Arkansas had nothing to offer, but I was sadly mistaken.  Bentonville, Arkansas is said to take over the world by 2015.  Ya... that's what they told me at the Walmart headquarters.  Moving on... Eureka Springs was a cool little hippy town with no Starbucks or Walmarts... I guess Walmart hasn't taken over yet.  In Eureka Springs, Kyle and I washed our hair in the magnetic springs.  The magnetic springs were said to heal ailments like arthritis if you strictly used the water that came from it... but it didn't do anything for me.  Granted, it was just a cold spring, not a real spring, but it was sufficient for washing our hair on an already cold night.  You see, Planet Fitness didn't tell us that there wouldn't be locations for 1000s of miles when we reached Oklahoma, Arkansas, and Tennessee, so we had to make do.

The next day we drove to Hot Springs, Arkansas.  In Hot Springs, at the very top of the mountain, we found a baby girl dog.  She was terrified of us.  We tried to give her food and she would run from us though she was more than willing to run under our car... After a little over half an hour, while we were squatted down on the ground trying to feed her, she came up slowly behind us and turned over on her back exposing herself.  We quickly learned that this is her solution for everything.  She's just waiting for that first un-neutered dog to impregnate her.

Anyway, we called her Mongrel because we didn't know what she was.  No one likes the name, but oh well, it is my first doggie and that is her name.  She is the best doggy ever except for the fact that she likes to run away and chase cars...two very bad combinations...

The rest of the trip was pretty uneventful.  In Memphis, we met a woman who has been occupying the Lorraine Motel for 23 years... Take that Occupy Walstreet!  In Nashville, we learned that Mongrel doesn't like beggars...or black people .. so we will now be safe sleeping in a car in the ghetto with Mongrel.  Not much else happened in Tennessee and after that we drove back home where I am currently residing now...

Until next time..